I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
