We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
