I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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