we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
