I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
