what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
