It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
