My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
