The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
