All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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