me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
