he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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