Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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