I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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