I wish I only lived at night.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
