Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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