Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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