That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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