So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
