Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
