Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
