Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
