Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
