How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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