wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
