The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
