I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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