You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
