I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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