I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In other news, I just burned my penis
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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