We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
