in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
