I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
