Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
