I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
