i already hear my dad disowning me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
