I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
