I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
