This house was built for laser tag.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
