Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
