What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
