But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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