My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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