i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
