i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
