so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
