i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
