He is an equal opportunity slut.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
