Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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