You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
